HITTING ROCK BOTTOM
There’s a saying, “When one door closes, another door opens.” When I look back at my life, I feel this quote is quite applicable for me. My life took a 180 degree turn when I met the love of my life, my redeemer and liberator - my beloved Jesus! Finally, I had found the purpose of my life. I felt God smacking me on the head and saying, “Hey, get up! It's time to get on your feet, leave everything, focus on me, and follow me!”
My life before meeting Jesus had been a series of brokenness, shame, addiction, fear, regret and anger. I was unhappy and distanced myself from everyone, especially my parents. They raised me in a very strong Catholic faith, but over the last few years, I began to grow disinterested in spiritual matters. Amidst the chaos of my personal life, the lack of love I felt as a young child and the addictions I was chained to, I began to nurse hatred towards God.
Before I knew it, I started losing my faith. I always thought, if a loving God really existed, whyall these sufferings? I began desperately to seek happiness elsewhere - the happiness that the world offered. I wanted to feel accepted and welcomed. I tried to please all my friends and joined them in everything they did; all that they called “joy of one's life”. However, each time I returned feeling emptier inside. I thought that giving in to the desires of my body would make me feel wanted and heal my inner wounds, so I did that too. But on the contrary, I felt heartbroken and so much so, that I eventually lost the desire to live. Through the lack of prayer, I grew cold and hit rock bottom. With all the bad habits that had enslaved me, and my broken relationship with my parents, my life became a burden.
As my disobedience in the house worsened, I caused much pain and heartache to my parents. They prayed fervently for me. Eventually, they forced me to attend a one day retreat in Columbus, Ohio. I went angrily, without expecting anything to change. I believed that the God I had heard about all my life was purely a fantasy. However, during the deliverance prayers towards the end of the retreat, the Lord gave me a strong conviction through the Word of God I heard that day. I experienced Jesus in a radical way for the first time in my life and the Word of God touched me in a way it never had before! After listening to the Scriptures, I realised it was time for me to make a decision – I must either shut out the Scripture from my life, or I must turn over a new leaf and start a new life, as a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). By His grace, I allowed Jesus to heal and mend my broken heart. During the deliverance prayers, I surrendered all my worries and pains to Him for the first time in my life. During the laying on of hands, the Lord poured out His limitless Spirit (John 3:34) upon me, delivering me from all my addictions and pains. God also healed my relationship with my parents (Psalms 50:15). The next day when I got back home, I ran to my parents, gave them a huge hug and cried aloud asking for forgiveness for the first time in my life! I had an encounter with Christ, which I would not exchange for the whole world.
The Word of God that I keep close to my heart is John 14:27, “I do not give as the world gives.” The world gives false happiness that leaves us empty. But our Lord gives only the best to His children, to those who cling to Him (Matthew 7:11). He is faithful even when we are not, and loves us in spite of our shortcomings (2 Timothy 2:13). I found Jesus when I was at the lowest point in my life. Remember, Jesus doesn’t look for your perfections but He seeks the sinners and the broken hearted and delights in them! (Luke 5:32) (Psalms 51:17) Romans 8:39 also reassures us, “Nor height, nor depth, nor anything in all creation can separate us from the love of Christ.” Never think you are too far gone, or too deep in sin to turn back. The Lord is bigger than any of your sins. He will give you the courage to walk out of your shame for only He can offer hope and healing for your brokenness.
It was almost three years ago that I attended the lifechanging retreat. That day I asked God to help me start a new chapter in my life, so that I could lead a life pleasing to Him. Today, I stand as a witness for Christ as He continues to pour out His grace on me and helps me to walk in this journey towards Him. I can confidently say that I have been saved by grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) (Ephesians 2:8). When we feel empty inside, we simply need to turn to Him with outstretched arms to receive His everlasting love. So run to Him now!
