REACH OUT YOUR HAND TO ME!

What would you do if God asked you to reach out your hand to Him? Illustrator Simon Godsell reflects on his life and how God has guided him on his journey of faith.

SELF SERVING

For many years, I was very insecure, and at times crippled by anxiety. I had led myself to this place through a series of self-centred devotions, and I attempted to free myself internally by the same means. I also sought help, as many do, in empty human philosophies and esoteric therapies, but only in those that would accommodate, or even encourage, my poisonous interior life - which most of them did. Eventually, I sought comfort in heavy drinking. In spite of this I would often find myself drawn to a quiet Church, or inspired to pause for a moment with the Bible, though I remained spiritually blind, and unwilling to turn from the path I had chosen.

REACHING OUT

Then, after many years, God revealed to my aching heart three truths. One, that I would die a horrible death by my own hand if I wasn’t willing to let Him guide me. Two, that the horrible death didn’t need to happen. And three, if I reached out my hand, it would be held, and I would live! I let go of myself… I accepted these truths… I reached out my hand…

PREPERATION

Now when I reflect on my life two things are very clear to me; the goodness of God, and within that truth, the ways through which He prepares us at every turn, for the events that lie ahead. I understand that the meaning of everything that happens to me, is the revelation of His love for me, perfected through weakness. Yes, love Him in your weakness, because it is precisely in our human vulnerability, in our sins and failings, that we encounter the infinite mercy He wishes to pour out on us, and on others through us. Then we can hear Jesus silently whispering to our soul ‘I love you!’

TIME

This said, if we are to hear Him, we must be willing to step out of the world, to be still, to listen, and to let Him draw us deeper into the light within us. In short we have to pray! Be assured, the time you devote to quiet prayer will always draw your heart closer to the heart of your neighbour, and as such, to the Heart of God, and the realisation that we really are His beloved family.

PAINFUL MEMORIES

A painful experience that speaks of all these realities, took place between me and my dad. I recall many years ago (during the drinking phase) thinking about my dad dying, and this thought shattered me. I remember distinctly realising, accepting and offering in my soul, my complete inability to cope with even the thought of this. I was praying with no concept that I was praying. I believe we all do that, even fervent atheists, and He listens tenderly to each one of us. When we start listening to Him, His Spirit helps us to see these moments with a new clarity, which in turn kindles our thanksgiving and praise for His ceaseless care.

ROAD TO FREEDOM

I say this confidently and from experience, because my dad has died, and I coped… The September morning when it happened, two roads lay before me, the same two roads we stand before whenever we’re presented with life events on this scale. Down one road was terror, agony, despair and the fear of death. Down the other, confidence, joy, hope and the certainty of eternal life. I stood frozen for an instant with these two roads before me, then I felt His loving presence within me, and His gentle hand on my shoulder, ‘I’ve prepared you for this, trust in me, do not let your heart be troubled, it’s going to be ok, you know I’m with you, and you need to help your family, by letting them see my peace in you.’ Again, I let go of myself; I yielded and His warmth flooded my soul. Yes, there were many tears, and great pain, though always peace and great joy.

MY SOIL IS GRIEF

You see in the end it isn’t a choice between joy and pain, they exist for now, together. It’s about accepting that whatever happens has been allowed by Love for Love, and trusting that one day He will wipe away every tear. If ever you are unsure about this, simply place your heart in His Mother’s heart, gazing upon her Son hanging from the Cross. Let His pierced Heart pierce yours, as it pierced hers, and let His eternal word fall on good soil. My soil is grief, and I thank God for this – it is good soil, perhaps the best. The seeds go deep, the roots are strong, and though the pruning stings a bit, the fruit lasts forever!

PEACE AT LAST

Finally it’s important that I speak of my ongoing relationship with my dad. This relationship doesn’t live in old pictures or the memories I cherish in my heart, though of course they are a living connection, a blessing and a comfort I’m thankful for. It lives in the Holy Spirit; in the love between the Father and the Son; in God who is relationship, and in whom all relationships are perfected. It lives in the heart of Mary, gazing at her little Child. It lives in the homeless person, the old lady at the bus stop who just wants a chat. It lives wherever there is life, wherever there is self-giving and openness to love. When I want to see my dad, to know he’s alright, I don’t seek my answer in old photographs. I look at Jesus, my heart and my life, through the adoring heart of His Mother, and I know without any doubt, and beyond any human understanding, that it really is going to be ok.